i would punch a child for taco bell
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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