You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
