i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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