Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
