you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
