I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
