So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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