I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
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I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
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So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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