i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
