You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
