would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
