Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
