I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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