I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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