I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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