fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
