I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
