that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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