dude i'm inner monologue high
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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