Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
