maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
