WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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