I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
