We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
