I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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