I need to stop coming to work sober
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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