Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
