dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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