my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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