I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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