Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
