You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
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idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
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We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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