So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Found the puke drawer
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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