Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
