I am puke
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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