We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
