last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
