I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You did what with his pubic hair?
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