I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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