all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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