4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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