shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
NoShamevember. You game?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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