I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
