We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
