I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
