I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
