Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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