I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
