she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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