Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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