Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
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