His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I pour the whiskey from now on
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
