Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
