Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
