we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
