i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
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This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
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She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.