He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
