There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
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All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
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Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.