I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!