I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
