My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
