Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
