hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
