Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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