I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
