I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
