I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
