Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I have feelings that need drinking.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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