I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
