I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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