at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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